Here I am...

I write this time because I need to. I feel empty today. I feel like I have nothing left to give and no one to receive it. I feel very, very little... I thank the Lord for the relationship on which I can count, for someone who loves me everyday without excuse and without blame and so sincerely and eternally. I feel at fault for leaving nothing and at the same time I feel stupid for doing so. The truth is I chose to do that because that is me - I run as hard as I can go and get crushed as hard as I can, too. That is my way to live life wholeheartedly. I wonder if that is the way we should live. The Lord says to guard our hearts and I think I haven't done that thinking I needed to give it my 100%. But the sun shinning outside my Hotel room today indicated God did not give up on me yet and He is right here regardless of my sin. I am joyful to think this moment, as sad as it is, brings glory to His name. I pray (and know) He will use this situation to bring me closer to Him, to shape me into who He wants me to be, and I am thankful for no wasted moments -He works in every situation and knows everything. I say goodbye to my best friend and the person who I have loved undescribibly much, my heart aches just thinking about it. I say goodbye to the one who has made me cry oh so much. I say goodbye to the person I had built my dreams around. And I say hello to a new path, a new time in my life. I say hello to something better that the Lord has planned for me. I say hello to God's plan after this, knowing He has been in control the whole time, and has never stopped to prosper me. Even now.